The Lost Boy

Earlier this morning I was overwrought with tears and searing pain after finishing this book called "#Masterpiece: Created Anew in Christ" by Mike Jonkers. In one of the chapters it mentions one shouldn't live a life where you feel you have to prove yourself to anyone including yourself. A river of tears flowed from my eyes when I read that passage. My heart broke and the shattered pieces were being knitted together by the hands of One who spoke creation into being. I went closed that passage and felt this incredible being lifted from my shoulders. I mulled over that passage for several minutes and then wrote about it in my journal. I spent most of my youth and most of my twenties feeling that I have to prove something to the outside world. Raised by a single mother made me feel like an outcast. I shut myself off from the rest of the world and focused on the only area where I could excel in: academics. Doing well in school and being praised by my teachers caused my classmates distance themselves from me. The awkward silence and brusqueness compounded my feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. I self-medicated through isolation, binge watching TV for hours at a time, overeating, and undereating. I did all that could to smother the silent cries and pain buried in my soul. I spent my whole time on autopilot going to college and grad school to prove to the world and even myself that I am worthy of so much goodness in my life. I was growing more and more disconnected from life. I was becoming more passive, afraid to raise my voice. I would lift my eyes to Heaven and asking God what does He want with my life. I would sit in the center of my bed waiting for a answering to from my life. I was becoming more passive, afraid to raise my voice and scream to a deaf Heaven about my purpose. I was growing more restless and resentful of my peers who found their purpose and passion early on. I thought God's divine providence and favor were reserved for those deemed worthy. By worthy I meant came from a nuclear family, handsome, maneuver through social settings with great ease, and had everything together. A sea of emotions coursed through me. One was happiness and the other envy. I probed their secrets to early success and they said, "God". "God?" I scoffed. I stood there speechless and frustrated by their response. I read the book and found myself feeling somewhat relieved there wasn't a backdoor to success. I read the above referenced book by Mike Jonkers and was pleased and healed by his writing. He mentioned that you in Christ are enough. When you remain connected to the Father you will not suffer from restlessness and anxieity. God will lead you to where He wants you to be. Don't be concerned about what the world defines as success or happiness. Both are relative yet are worlds apart. Happiness changes based on external circumstaces. Success is defined in terms of acquiring worldly goods that money can buy. Joy in the Lord is our strength. In God we can do anything. Remember that whenever you feel lost.

Beethoven Symphony No.5 (Full Length): Seoul phil Orchestra

I love classical music because it's inspiring.

Plans For The Day

People say 'hope is not a plan' or 'a goal without a plan is just a wish'. It says a lot about all of us who have hopes and dreams but have no idea how to make them a reality. Many articles I've read through my quest to be successful as an author is to write down your goals on paper or post them on social media. One thing I am going to do is take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself. If the door you want open doesn't, find one that is because it will lead you to where you want to go. There are several verses that come to mind about making your dreams a reality. One verse is Habakkuk 2:2 which reads, "Then the Lord answered me and said: "Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it." Another passage with a similar theme is Acts 2:17, "And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,  Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream visions". As someone who gets lost in his thoughts and has to voice them on paper, writing my goals and aspirations keeps me in check and stay on course to reach a certain destination. Remember that when you stumble across my blog.

Spiritual and Emotional Disconnect

I went through these past few weeks on autopilot. It was in those brief moments when I wasn't being assailed by angry customers I asked myself a myriad of questions. One question I asked, "Where am I going? Who do I want to be?" I felt a sea of doubt wash over me as I studied my coworkers who complained about the job, its duties, and the pay. I will refrain from going further because I know what's it like to have holes in one's pockets. The more I came to work and went home I thought about the missed opportunities in life. One thing I am learning is to trust God more and more. After some encouragement I am wanting to know more about the Father's plans for me. So my advice to those of you who are reading this blog don't neglect to plug in the Source of all that is good and the one who redeem what can be good.

In addition to my attempts at trusting God more and more with my life I am close to finishing A Prayer For Murder. It's being edited as we speak and other ideas for the next chapters are swimming in my head. I can't wait to see how the story unfolds and comes to a grand conclusion. I have also come across new ways to promote my books through Goodreads, Pinterest, my site, Kboards, Facebook, and Twitter. There are so my avenues to promote one's books but there are so many resources out there and I'm learning how to use them. Enough of sounding preachy I am pleased to announce that chapters 1-28 are finished and more is on the way. Chapter 29 will include a bt of an emotional uptick that can change everything for the characters. It's best to outline and add in what level of emotion you want to infuse and have readers walk away with.

Grace: Getting What We Deserve Least

Grace: Getting What We Deserve Least: Twenty years had passed since the time Judah and his brothers sold Joseph into slavery. He had no way of knowing that Joseph had risen above a series of misfortunes to become the prime minister of Egypt. During Joseph’s rise to political power, he engineered a massive government food campaign to store up grain reservesa href='http://www.faithgateway.com/grace-getting-deserve-least/' title='Read more' .../a

The Importance Of Saving Oneself

We live in a world that is completely saturated with sex. We can't escape it. Scantily clad women are seen on various commercials selling liquor, cars, food, and various Internet websites. Most of this note is based upon a class I took at 10th District a few months ago. It was an informative class that opened my eyes about sex. For those of you who know me, I can be a prude. I don't like to talk about sex unless it is about having sex when one is married. I despise sex in the context in a locker room manner. More importantly, I believe and know it's very important to abstain until one is married. I am not judging anyone who has had sex before they were married. I am not judging anyone who is unmarried having sex. Sex is not what it used to be. Sex is no longer a beautiful and loving act between a man and woman. It's seen as something that must be done quickly. Let's delve into some of the things most of us have seen and heard at a young age.

Young men are taught as young boys never to say no. Some boys are taught by older men that you become a man by the number of women you have sex with. Young girls are taught by some women that for them to be successful, one must lie on her back. People who teach lessons like this will receive their just due from the Lord above. Abstinence is seen as a weakness. Fornication is seen as strength. Sex is not what it used to be. A person shouldn't sow their oats because they can. We can do everything we want, but all things are not helpful (1 Corinthians 10:23). In fact, most of the young men my age who have had sex wish they didn't.

First, let's talk about how fornication is harming our bodies, a temple for the Holy Spirit as 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. Our bodies are vessels for the Holy Spirit to dwell in while we're on earth. Since we are now born-again Christians, the Holy Spirit dwells in us. Jesus sent it down to comfort us and guide us after His ascension. Since we are God's people, we are to act godly. Being godly is simply putting on God's nature. We should strive for perfection. God is not a man where He should lie. Neither is the Father a human being who would have sex before marriage. Our bodies should be pure, holy, clean, and undefiled. It's hard for the body to function as a holy temple the residue of another person being on us. Let me explain that. At 10th District, my teacher and his wife mentioned that when one loses their virginity before marriage, the person you were with is on your mind, heart, and spirit. It's hard to shake that person off of you since you are tainted by having sex with that person. Now, that you know that premarital sex taints your whole person, let's move on to how it can rob you of peace.

Second, Romans 8 is a wonderful chapter that has so many verses in it about the dangers of walking in lust. When we choose lust (not only lust for sex), we lose peace. Verse 6 tells of the perils of being focused on satisfying our mortal bodies. We lose peace and will die by making the flesh our god. The word death not only means dying physically, it means dying in other possible ways. If a guy and girl have sex, they may experience temporary joy once the sexual act is finished. However, peace will be stolen moments later. Peace is robbed when both parties worry about how to cover up their misdeeds. Both of them will worry about how they will appear to the public. The guy will have to worry how he'll appear to his friends. The girl will worry if the boy she was with will tell of their indiscretion which could make her out to be a whore. One's peace of mind is stolen. A second example of peace being stolen is if the girl believes she is pregnant. She has to worry about the stigma of being labeled as a single mother. She has to worry how her parents will accept the news of her pregnancy. The guy she is with has to now worry about finding employment, paying for child support, and taking care of this child. Children are not cheap. One moment of sinful pleasure can detour us from the plans God has for us. My final example of peace being robbed is one having sex with someone who is extremely promiscuous. One has to worry if a person caught something which is incurable. Lust has a heavy price.

Let's look at the opposite. When one doesn't give into lust, that person has peace. I'm going to brave with all of you, I'm a virgin. I'm the dreaded V-word. I'm not gay; I want to clear that up. I'm not ashamed of it and don't consider myself weak. God is refuge and fortress in everything (Psalms 46). I have peace knowing that by not having sex I will never have to worry about getting a girl pregnant. I won't have to calculate the exorbitant cost of childcare ranging from doctor's visits, diapers, formula, and clothing. I won't have to worry about a woman who got pregnant on purpose in order to take of herself rather than the child we conceived outside of wedlock. Also, I won't have to worry about going to family court trying to schedule visits with my child. I don't have to worry about catching an STD that can or can't be cured. I went to college, and have been tempted at times. However, God always makes a way of escape for us as is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 10:13. Lust will always wrestle with our soul as is mentioned in 1 Peter 2:11.

Many of you are baffled as to how to overcome the lust of the flesh. If one continues to run after God, the appetite of lust will be dwindling as we continue to listen to God's voice. God's voice can be heard when we read and study the Bible. His voice can he be heard in the wise words of those who love Him and make God the head of their lives. Satan will always get us distracted from our Christian walk by throwing things that we were delivered from. Sin has greater prices that must be paid for. However, our sins have been paid for by the Blood of Jesus Christ. The price for sin has been paid for. Remember what Romans 12 and 1 Peter 4 says. Both chapters say that we shouldn't be in the world, yet we must live in it. We should never be entangled with the trends of the world; we are just pilgrims traveling in it until we see Jesus face to face.

In conclusion, I want to throw some interesting facts for you all. People who abstain from sex have higher self-esteem, more fidelity, no residue from prior sexual partners, joy, peace of mind, less worries, and people who abstain from sex until marriage get divorced only 2% of the time. Lastly, people who live together before they get married get divorced 70% of time. This information comes from various sources. Look them up if you don't believe me. A real adult makes Jesus Christ the head of their lives as is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 11:3. A man isn't man based on his anatomy. The same applies for a woman. Verses which talk about lust include 1 Thessalonians 4, 1 Corinthians 6, 1 Peter 2, Galatians 5, Hebrews 13, 2 Timothy 2, 2 Corinthians 6, 2 Corinthians 7, 1 Thessalonians 5, Ephesians 5. God bless all of you. Continue to walk in God so the flesh can die.

Take Me As I Am

I had and have so many thoughts running around in my head about the images we as a culture are inundated with on a perpetual basis. I believe the majority of us are believed into thinking our individual quality of life will improve if we have the hallmarks of success. Those hallmarks included tailored clothes, new car, a spacious house in a neighborhood that projects an illusion of security. That frame of thinking bothers me because success is relative, subjective with no clear definition except for what we’ve been hoodwinked into believing. Is the owner of a 20-year-old Mazda Prism drowning in a sea of despondency as opposed to someone who drives a Bugatti? Why as adults are we forced to project this exhausting façade of perfection to ward off the glum, pitiable expressions from outsiders who feel that we hadn’t hit this alleged mark or claimed this illusive prize?

As I neared the end of my shift a few weeks ago, I thought about this post and how it should be phrased? Fantasy or reality, huh? Both are polar opposites yet sometimes they bleed into every facet of our lives. We look at magazine articles where the women are crafted into these flawless beings with toned legs, flat stomachs, long hair, and perfect skin. They chafe at these images and bristle when members of the opposite sex expect them to live up to a standard society mandates. Men look at these glossy images expecting our future wives to have no flaws, tangible or otherwise. They spend every waking hour smoothing away their various idiosyncrasies, their strength, and determination so they don’t scare off a boy pretending to be a man. They are to morph in this hollowed out, plastic, cardboard version of herself.

Men succumb to the pressure of living up to expectations women yearn for a husband. He is to have a chiseled face, light colored eyes, six-pack abs, a piercing gaze, light stubble, and muscular arms – basically your average, airbrushed cover of Men’s Fitness. This man is to show no weakness, no emotion, and remove any doubts, worries, and concerns his doe-eyed, fragile, and helpless damsel has rattling around in her mind. As a young man who is still maturing, I find this superficial definition of masculinity untrue and downright insulting. As a gangly, awkward, and acne-ridden teenager I didn’t measure to what a teenager girl would define as handsome, cute, or marginally attractive.

I sit here at my computer thinking of the litany of images that demand who and what I should be. I still wrestle with the notion of what I’m supposed to off my future wife when I meet her. Am I supposed to project this image of a retired, strong-willed monolith who buries his true character to mask his eccentricities, frailties, and other flaws we try to hide behind a faltering veneer of strength.

Why all this subterfuge? It’s simple: fantasy. Some say fantasies are unhealthy, keeping us from facing the grim realities of life. Some also argue that fantasies keep us from progressing because we don’t want to admit that we are afraid of what a new phase in life brings. If fantasies are so dangerous, why do we indulge our insatiable curiosities by reading books, watching movies, or traveling to new places?  One would say fantasies create a buffer that cushions us when we are greeted by crippling disappointments. If we are honest with ourselves fantasies gives us something to dream of, look forward to, and learn how to handle the inevitable curve balls life can hurl in our direction. In my opinion, fantasies have helped me shave off the excess baggage life has tried to nail on the cross I am charged with carrying. Every person has a moment of doubt, where they question if they have the fortitude to climb another mountain after wading through a valley where they were stripped of the essential or inessential. The inessential being the boundaries and definitions imposed on a society whose images sell a fantasy to make money. Fantasy or reality? Where does one begin and end? When we learn that God is perfect. He offers perfect love and perfect peace without a price except His Son Jesus Christ